I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
