Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
