after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
