when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
