i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
