I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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