i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
