There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
