worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
