I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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