my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
