Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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