I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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