Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
