at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
