Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
