The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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