do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
