I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my liver is dry heaving
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize