Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
