I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
