The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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