The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You need a sexual gate keeper
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize