so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
