p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
