Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
