if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
