did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
