Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
