Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
