my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
