I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i out mim tonsoeep
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