And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
