I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
