and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
