Whod you bang
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sex in a hospital.. check
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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