I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
