Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
