No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
