Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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