Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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