life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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