I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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