my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
