Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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