the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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