So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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