its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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