I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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