I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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