Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she pinky promised me she was 18
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
