Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
