you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
