Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
