just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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