I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
