overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
