Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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