Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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