Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
