Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
