I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
