yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize