HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm bleeding and have questions
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
