May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
